Valentine’s couple in message of hope

Feb 14 2008 by Paul James, The Journal

ONE was left homeless after a bitter divorce. The other was left to care for his teenager alone when his wife walked out.

But this Valentine’s Day, Wearsiders Valerie Smiles and Tommy Gray are an inspiration for all those who fear they will be losers in love.

Valerie had been looking after her elderly mother, and Tommy his daughter Lisa Marie, who has learning difficulties, when they met at a night for single carers on Valentine’s Day, 2002.

Within months they were engaged, and six years on, they are putting the plans together for a winter wedding on December 28.

And as life continues to get better for the couple, mother-of-three Valerie, and father-of-five Tommy scooped a £3,000 wedding reception at the seafront Tavistock Roker Hotel.

But before their 2002 meeting at the Alexandra pub in Grangetown, they had both been alone for more than 15 years.

Yesterday Valerie, 61, of Frobisher Court, Doxford, said: “I was at the evening with a friend and Tommy had sat on the end of our table. Over the course of the evening, she was saying ‘He keeps looking over at you’.

“My confidence at that time was very low and my barriers were up 100%. I glanced over and said ‘He’s not my type’.

“But as the evening went on, we started talking and by the end of the evening we were chatting as though we had known each other for months. His sense of humour won me over – but I made him wait a few weeks before we went out on a date.” Tommy, who is now retired, was divorced in 1989, and Valerie in 1993, when she lost her home and spent six weeks in a homeless unit. And even since they met, the couple have had much to cope with.

In 2003, they were involved in a car crash after which Valerie needed operations on her spine and neck. Valerie’s mother Louisa Robinson died in 2005, aged 89, and last year Valerie needed a thigh operation.

But now she is on the mend, the wedding is booked and the couple are also hoping to have a new home in the near future.

Tonight they plan to celebrate the sixth anniversary of their romance with a meal and a show at the new Theatre Restaurant, in Sunderland’s Sunniside quarter.

Valerie used to work in the cafe at the Asda supermarket at Leechmere, where Tommy would go shopping with daughter Lisa Marie, who is now 29.

And while the couple lived just 15 minutes apart – she at Doxford and he at Ryhope – their paths never crossed.

She added: “Friends of mine used to tell me there was light at the end of the tunnel. I had quite a lot of lonely Valentine’s Days.

“I went through a very bitter divorce, went through a repossession in the courts in 1995 and spent six weeks in a homeless unit. Tommy’s daughter was coming into her teens when his partner left.

“Obviously, Valentine’s Day is special for us because it’s the day we met, so we try to do something different. But I don’t really need pampering on Valentine’s Day because he does it quite often during the year.

“As a couple, we’ve had our hiccups, but I wish I’d met him 40 years ago. We’re both in our 60s but I don’t feel 60 – not since I met Tommy. He’s the most loving, caring person you could meet.

“Maybe we can give some hope to people spending Valentine’s Day on their own.”