A notable exception came courtesy of one Joe Kinnear. Plucked from the nether world of football obscurity, Kevin Keegan’s surprise replacement as Newcastle manager unleashed an x-rated fusillade against the media and then, for good measure, declared it was not, after all, off the record.

Happy sports journos duly filed reports that were 95% asterisk. You really couldn’t make it up

Here – and I assume the lawyers have been through this stuff – the gloves and the asterisks are off. The fans, in the form of our noble four, have their say. And they get to play the protagonists.

Davie Nellist and his belly are great as Mike Ashley, learning the hard way that billionaire status is a fragile thing in football – and that Geordies really don’t like Dennis Wise.

Bill Fellows has Keegan’s thin skin to a tee, flinching when Laura Norton, as Ashley’s Cockney PA, requests an autograph – “for my mum”.

And then there’s Chris Connel’s fantastic Shearer, the laconic hard man, the Clint-style gunslinger of Darras Hall. “Yip,” he grunts, laconically, as his mobile phone goes off with its chirpy Match Of The Day ring tone.

Already updated once, this play could run and run – and run. I would have laughed until I cried –- but I just cut out the middle man. Best thing – the interval footage which shows Newcastle players of old. Scoring goals! Get that!!