TOUCH wood, I have never suffered from food poisoning. I’ve seen its effects first-hand. And it isn’t pleasant.

In my younger days I shared a house with a teacher and a few other ne’er-do-wells near London.

I was never certain how the teacher had any energy to do her job. She really knew how to burn the candle at both ends.

I remember one Christmas she drove all the way to Berwick and back on her own one weekday night for a party ... a round-trip of well over 600 miles!

Her life seemed to be a constant round of socialising, sport (she was an enthusiastic hockey player) and travelling the length and breadth of Britain’s roads. She was also incredibly disorganised, which brings me back to the one and only experience I have mercifully had of food poisoning at close quarters.

It was a Sunday and she had invited various members of her family around for a roast lunch. She forgot. They were all due to roll up at 1pm, and at 12pm she flew in like a whirlwind from hockey practice, a panic-stricken look on her face.

She shoved an outsize and only partially defrosted chicken in the oven on maximum, slung some veg on to boil and rushed off to get changed. The guests duly arrived at 1pm and by 1.15pm they were all sitting down to eat.

Thankfully neither I nor my housemates had been invited to this feast (and before you ask, yes we did all tell her there was no way the chicken would be cooked). The aftermath was not pleasant. I spent most of Sunday evening at the local hospital’s A&E department with her.

I understand things were equally bad in her respective relatives’ households. She was in hospital for 10 days and it took many months more for her to make a full recovery.

The teacher didn’t cook very often. If she had she would have known that you mishandle poultry at your peril.

It’s something far too many others discover at Christmas, which is why – not wishing to be a killjoy or anything – I have decided to take a slightly different tack with this week’s Recipe for Health column.

Rather than chatting about healthier foods, with probably the most important meal of the year looming I have decided instead to talk turkey with some seasonal tips and advice to ensure you don’t end up like my teacher friend.

Turkeys are big birds and care needs to be taken with them every step of the way from choosing to cooking, carving and consuming.

BUYING, STORING AND DEFROSTING

Be realistic with the size of turkey you buy. The bigger it is the more awkward it is to get in the fridge or oven, prepare and cook safely.

Store the turkey in either a covered container or in a roasting tin sealed with foil or greaseproof paper on the bottom shelf of the fridge where any juices can’t drip on other food.

If you are using a frozen turkey make sure it is properly defrosted before cooking. The safest way is in the fridge at 4C (39F), allowing 10-12 hours per kilo. If you can’t fit the turkey in the fridge, defrost it at room temperature (20C, 68F) allowing two hours per kilo. Make sure it is covered and away from other food. Check it’s defrosted by using a fork in the thickest part of the bird or feeling around inside the cavity for ice crystals.

Don’t wash the turkey as this can splash harmful bacteria on to work surfaces. Cooking will kill any bacteria.

Make sure you thoroughly wash your hands and any work surfaces/boards the turkey may have touched.

COOKING

A large turkey can take several hours to cook, so it is important to get it in the oven early. Cooking times are often included on the packaging of supermarket-bought birds, but as a general guide for an unstuffed turkey under 4.5kg allow 45 minutes per kilogram plus 20 minutes in a preheated oven. For one weighing between 4.5kg and 6.5kg, 40 minutes per kg and for those over 6.5kg, 35 minutes per kg at 180C/ 350F/Gas Mark 4.

Check the turkey is properly cooked before serving. Cut into the thickest part of the bird – the juices should run clear and there should be no hint of pink in the meat.

Make sure the cooked turkey is cold before covering it and putting it in the fridge. Try to use any leftovers within 48 hours or freeze them.

For goose, cook in a preheated oven at 220C/425F/gas mark 7 for 35 minutes per kilogram. Duck should be cooked for 45 minutes per kg at 200C/400F/gas mark 6. Chicken should be cooked at 180C/350F/gas mark 4 for 45 minutes per kilogram plus 20 minutes.

Enjoy the decorations, the hopefully germ-free grub, being together and eat, drink and be merry.

David Kennedy is chef-proprietor of David Kennedy’s Food Social @ The Biscuit Factory, 16 Stoddart Street, Shieldfield, Newcastle, NE2 1AN, 0191 260 5411, www.foodsocial.co.uk, open noon-2pm and 5.30pm-10pm Monday-Saturday and noon-3pm Sunday.