Review: You Really Couldn't Make It Up, Live Theatre, Newcastle

Jun 30 2009 by David Whetstone, The Journal

For every Newcastle United supporter, this would be a really, really funny play – if it were about Sunderland.

Four of the North East’s best actors play United fans. They (for those not savvy with Tyneside football etiquette) are those kept in the dark and fed on... well, whatever it is mushrooms like.

Penned by avid Newcastle fans Michael Chaplin and son Tom, it is, on one level, a cry of exasperation and despair. On another level, it is the expertly crafted story of the highs and lows of United’s recent past.

Cue ironic laughter. For a relegated club with an all but empty trophy cabinet, a reluctant owner, no manager and a lemony away strip seemingly designed to deter any player still harbouring a residual desire to kiss the badge, highs are in short supply.

It is clever because it fills in the gaps left by the news media in a way that only theatre and film can.

David Hare did a similar job a few years ago in The Permanent Way, gathering copious witness evidence for a damning indictment of our seemingly accident-prone railway system.

Our ‘fans’ are armed with written evidence of the club’s predicament from all sorts of people with a vested interest – an ex-captain, for instance, and lots and lots of journalists telling us stuff they never put in the papers.

Legislation and the convention of ‘off the record’ briefings – plus the ever-present fear of a banning – mitigate against the harsh truth emerging in many cases.